Filipino Working Overseas Stops Sending Money To Family After They Forgot Her Birthday, Prompting Realization They Treat Her Like ATM

They only remembered her birthday when the recurring wire transfers didn't hit their bank accounts.

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• March 31, 2024

A Reddit OP questioned if her family valued her during her recent birthday. While her colleagues and friends celebrated her day, her family back in her home country could not even muster a half-hearted greeting.

It took OP a few days to realize that her father and brother, who were dependent on her financially, had forgotten about her birthday entirely. She had a theory that they only valued her monetary contributions.

To test it out, OP canceled the recurring monthly wire transfers to her father and brother. Like clockwork, when the money didn't hit their bank accounts on the usual day that OP used to send it, she got messages from them.

Her brother said, "How are you, my sister? How was your birthday?" Her dad's message that said, "How are you, daughter? I love you so much," implied he didn't remember it at all.

OP's theory held water. She felt conflicted because her brother had no other source of income as he was still a medical student.

He also had two dogs he needed to care for. As for OP's dad, he had two kids and a wife of the same age as OP, who needed the money.

OP's dad was unemployed and relied on the kindness of his relatives who lived overseas to sustain his and his family's needs. Despite being abandoned by her dad when she and her brother were kids, OP managed to be generous to him.

OP is saddened and upset about what she learned. She hasn't sent any money to her family in the Philippines since then.

OP didn't inform her dad and her brother why she stopped sending them money. Her brother still has plans to live overseas using the money and plane ticket OP set aside for him.

OP's guilt gnawed at her. She was brought up in a culture that expected successful children to financially sustain their family. However, she felt used. The recent birthday snob proved how little they valued her.

OP has shown enough generosity to her family. She is how they have survived all these years, yet they can't even remember to show their appreciation for her on her birthday.

It was poor planning on her brother's part to adopt two dogs when he doesn't even live independently.

OP needs to tell herself a few times a day that she is not responsible for two ungrateful adults and whoever else depends on them. Their family ties are irrelevant in this situation.

How bold of him to procreate when he doesn't have a job. Does he even plan to get a job?

OP should look at this as an opportunity to start anew. She would save herself a lot of money and heartache if she stopped the monthly subscription to "earn" her family's love.

I can only imagine OP's heartache when she realized that the people she worked so hard for couldn't even be bothered to remember her birthday.

OP feels used because her family is using her.

Funny how they remembered when OP's monthly transfers were supposed to hit their bank account, but they couldn't remember her birthday.

OP's situation is a sad reality for many Filipinos living and working overseas.

Even if her dad and brother apologized, OP should still stop propping their lifestyles with her money.

How long will OP's brother last before he asks her for money?

Your family should lift you, not burden you.

The last commenter said it astutely. The money that OP sent was meant for her family to better themselves and supplement the income they were earning themselves.

OP shouldn't have to carry the financial burden for her brother and dad who are more than capable of making an honest living. OP didn't share any updates, but her decision shouldn't be difficult after realizing how little she meant to her family without a financial incentive.

Chelsi