Harsh Father Tells His 12-Year-Old Son That He Caused Their Divorce, Thinks It Was Justified

He literally told his child that they were happier before he was born

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• December 7, 2023

Knowing he would immediately judged by thousands of Redditors by the title of his post alone, a father wrote, "Am I The A**hole for telling my son that he is the reason me and his mother are getting divorced?" He thought his explanation was enough to change a few people's minds but was sorely mistaken.

OP and his wife were high school sweethearts. They stayed together during college, and OP believed they were meant to be with each other for life.

Things changed when they had their son. OP and his wife found it difficult to raise him because he frequently threw tantrums, got in trouble at school, and refused to listen to either parent.

They couldn't see eye to eye about the appropriate way to instill discipline and accountability in their son. They didn't know whether to let him sit with his feelings or to punish him for acting out.

Their inability to effectively parent their son caused friction in their marriage. They developed unhealthy habits to cope with their issues and favored solitude instead of each other's company.

They argued more as their marriage deteriorated. Their marital problems were so evident that relatives voiced their concerns.

They agreed to file for divorce. Their 12-year-old son was inconsolable when they first told him about their separation.

His son stays with OP most of the week because his wife couldn't handle their son as much as OP did.

He had been listening to their child yell about how unfair the situation was.

His patience ran thin when his son kept asking if he and his wife had forgiven each other. OP made it clear that the divorce will push through no matter what.

He cried and OP got mad. He told his son that the divorce happened because of him. He told him that they were happy before he was born and that he had no one to blame but himself.

OP offered his son a half-apology and said there was some truth to what he said. His wife said their son was more behaved when she was with him. OP admitted that it was wrong to speak to his son that way, but he felt his son's "improved" behavior justified it.

The fact that OP fully believes that the end of his marriage was caused by his son gives a clear image of what kind of person he is.

He and his wife failed their child by not giving him the support that he needed.

A child psychologist called what OP did emotional abuse. No child should be told that they made their parents divorce.

Their son needed help. He didn't need to be blamed for the choices made by the adults in his life.

OP still refused to accept that his son had nothing to do with his marriage ending.

OP can't face that he was, and still is, a terrible father to his son. The problems he faced with his ex-wife are not the fault of their 12-year-old child.

OP, his wife who couldn't "tolerate" their son, and their poor kid all need professional help.

His son's "improved" behavior is not because he needed to hear the "truth." It's because he was afraid that if he misbehaved again, more bad things would happen.

OP failed his son. What he said to him will haunt him for the rest of his life.

They just taught their son that their love is to be earned.

OP's account was suspended before he could post any updates. Based on his replies, it's doubtful if he accepted that what he did was horrible.

Their poor son has one parent who can't stand him and another who thinks he caused their divorce. OP said in another comment that neither wanted full custody of their son and were working out an arrangement that was best for them, not their son.

Chelsi