Mom Angry After Guests Tried To Enforce Their Family Rules On Her Daughter In Her Own Home

"When DD is at their house, their rule applies. Generally I would agree – their house, their rule..."

Ayoub

• Published in Interesting
• December 4, 2022

Each household has its own rules to ensure order and a pleasant environment. Some make more sense than others, but it's always up to the parents to decide which ones are more appropriate to their situation.

Kids will often be faced with different rules depending on which household they happen to be staying in. Most are taught to respect other people's rules when you happen to be in their home and never show any disrespect towards them.

Even if the rules seem ridiculous to you, they should be respected unless they influence you negatively; in that case, you can always choose to leave. Some rules are enforced for a reason, and it would be intrusive to not respect your host's wishes.

Parents have different rules for their kids; some don't have that many, and some are quite strict and do not tolerate it when their rules are not followed. When these two kinds of families interact, things can get intense, especially if the family with rules attempts to enforce them on everyone.

A Mumsnet.com user who goes by the username Lolabear38 made a post where she explained a problem she faced while dining with her friends and their kids. Their different house rules ended up creating an issue that Op had to deal with.

OP wondered: “AIBU to not make my child eat everything on her plate?”

OP has friends whose "house rules" are quite different than hers.

We have close friends whose house we eat at, or they eat at ours, fairly often. They have different expectations at dinner time for their kids than I do – they enforce a very strict ‘clear your plate or no pudding’ rule, I don’t do this. 

The friends' rules are usually respected whenever OP's family comes over.

When dd is at their house, their rule applies. Generally I would agree – their house, their rule but there have been quite a few times recently when she’s become very upset at being forced to eat a whole plate full of food she doesn’t want with the threat of no pudding hanging over her (she’s 6 and loves pudding).

The friends insist that their rules should apply to all kids, which gives OP a lot of anxiety.

Friend or her DH are very firm with all the kids that they have to eat everything and they follow through with the threat of no pudding. It’s got to the point where I’m finding reasons not to go there to eat because dd is so anxious about it. 

The problem is the friends try to enforce their rules even when they're at OP's house.

What is bothering me a lot about this situation is when they come to eat at ours, they try and enforce the same rule.

OP decided to put her foot down this time and confronted them about the issue.

I took friend aside this evening and told her that I don’t generally make dd clear her plate and explained why – she said fair enough but for the sake of making everything fair to her kids when they’re all eating together the rule has to apply – it’s not fair her kids have to do this while mine don’t. 

OP doubted the way she handled the situation, so she decided to consult with the Mumsnet community.

I take things on a case by case basis – I generally know what dd had eaten in the day and so know she’s had a roughly balanced diet so if she doesn’t want to finish a whole plate of food, and presuming she’s eaten (what I consider to be) enough, then she’s allowed to leave what she doesn’t want and still have pudding. I also don’t want to force her to eat or use pudding as a reward.

AIBU to put my foot down and say dd doesn’t have to clear her plate to have pudding? In my own house?! Or when at restaurants? In their house, ok I guess. But if I’m following their rules in their home surely they should return the gesture when in my house?!

Most users on the Mumsnet forum were on OP's side and backed up her decision.

Here's how the Mumsnet community reacted to Lolabear38's post:

OP is perfectly capable of determining her child's nutritional needs.

OP and her friends should not hang out together when their kids are around.

OP should not allow them to make her child go through that.

You have to draw the line somewhere.

OP has every right to enforce her own house rules, and her friends should respect that. Their rules are respected at their home, and it should be the same when they are over at OP's house.

We feel that's the societal norm here - everyone makes rules in their own home. If you enjoyed reading this, make sure to check out similar content on our platform.

Ayoub