Woman Wants To Give Her Last Name To Fiancé, But Family Won't Allow It, Saying Her Brother Should Be Only Carrier Of Family Name

"I think they feel possessive about the fact they were the only ones "supposed" to carry on our name."

Filip

• Published in Interesting
• November 27, 2023

Taking a partner's last name in marriage is a tradition that has been practiced in many cultures for centuries. Typically, this practice involves one partner adopting the last name of the other.

The decision on whether to take a partner's last name or not is deeply personal and something that partners need to discuss among themselves. However, in this story, the woman wants to give her fiancé her last name, but her family is not thrilled, so she asks for advice.

The OP explained her fiancé is willing to adopt her last name, primarily due to his distressing childhood experiences and lack of connection with his father, coupled with not having any siblings. The OP, on the other hand, maintains a powerful bond with her last name.

When the OP discussed this matter with her father, he expressed uncertainty, highlighting that the OP's brother is the only male in the family capable of perpetuating the family name. Before the OP could discuss this with her brother, he learned of the plan and confronted the OP for not consulting him first.

This reaction annoyed the OP because she believed she had an equal right to share her surname, just as her brother did with his wife. The OP also believes her brother and his wife feel possessive about the fact that they are supposed to be the only ones to carry on the family's name.

The OP perceives this entire situation as indicative of sexism, arguing that it's also her last name and that she should freely bestow it upon her future husband. Furthermore, the OP mentions having three unmarried sisters who should also not feel constrained about passing on their surname.

Despite being aware of breaking tradition, the OP doesn't consider her stance selfish and questions if her actions are ethically or socially wrong.

OP asks:

The OP explained she wanted to give her surname to her fiancé:

But when mentioning this to her father, he was hesitant, saying her brother is the only male in the family:

The OP's brother learned her plan and confronted her for not consulting him first, calling her inconsiderate:

But the OP believes she has the same right as her brother to share her surname:

They are being ridiculous

It's just the tradition

Everyone should decide for themself

The OP's family should be proud that her fiancé wants to take their name

"Give your fiancé your last name if that’s what you and him want."

Weird perspective

The OP should do what makes her happy

It's just a name, they should be thrilled

"It’s your name to pass on as you like."

Redditors told the OP that it is her name also, so she has the same right as her brother to pass it on if she wants to. Her father and brother are acting ridiculous, but the OP should do as she likes.

The fact that her fiancé wants to take their family name should make them proud.

Filip