1. From a school photographer
School photographer here. Do not coach your children on how to smile.
I can normally get them to smile naturally with a funny word or simply by smiling at them. I have seen MANY kids that have obviously coached smile because they are afraid mom will take away their Playstation.
Remember that school photos are a marking of time, love your kid for who they are at that moment. And NEVER tell your kiddo to not show their teeth.
Second graders are supposed to have lots of missing teeth-- it's charming. Seventh graders have braces-- that photo will remind them of such a tumultuous time in their life.
And lastly, there is always re-take day.
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2. From an aircraft worker
When you climb into a helicopter and the rotors are turning, you can't reach your arm up high enough to lose a hand....but we don't want anyone trying to test it or prove us wrong. - reddit
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3. From a political firm
I worked for a political consulting firm and was completely floored when congressmen/women would come in for media training (learning to be "normal" on camera or in front of constituents). Nearly every politician who came in for training was clueless and literally had "their views" on the issues fed to them by my boss (the media strategist).
Sounds obvious, but it's really horrifying to witness.
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4. From a farmer
I work on a farm. When they say you should wash your produce thoroughly at home, they're not joking. - geekmuseNU
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5. From an Internet provider
Fiber Internet Service Provider here - bandwidth is not a scarce commodity like they want you to think it is. It is all about profit margins and over subscribing the network. - static74
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6. From a nurse assistant
Nurse assistant here. If you have taken any illegal dr*gs, or prescription dr*gs to get high within the last 24 hours... F*****G TELL US. It could save your life. We won't judge you for it... But we would judge you for bullsh**ting us even if your life could be at risk. - anon
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7. From an emergency room doctor
Emergency room doctor here.
I really do want you to get better, I really want you to not d*e. I get spat on and cursed at and am the recipient of several stink eyes daily.
If you actually show that you care about your health and listen to me or show me the slightest bit of respect I will bend over backwards to help you get better.
If I'm not sending you home with a six month supply of dilaudid it's because you are better off without it. I'm sorry you have a boxer's fracture because you punched your door, but fractures hurt and I can't take all the pain away and keep you breathing at the same time.
Man up and deal with a few days of discomfort, it goes away eventually.
I ask probing questions about your sexuality and drug history and the consistency of your poop because its important. I am legally prevented from sharing this info with your boss, your wife, the police.
Just tell me the truth. The guy on the other side of the curtain has a curling iron stuck up his a*s, the herpes you got in high school doesn't shock me.
My paycheck is my paycheck. I don't get paid more or less because I prescribe a name brand antibiotic, or decide to do stitches instead of glue, or admit you instead of letting you leave AMA.
I get paid the same if I see one patient this shift or forty, most of my decisions are based on medicine, or to decrease the chances of getting sued. This isn't true for every doctor or even every emergency doctor, but consider giving your physician the benefit of the doubt.
8. From a warehouse staff
I don't know if it's a dirty secret as much as common sense when you think about it, but having worked in a warehouse that stores beer cans, I'd say that you should wash the top of any can you drink from, as it may have been sat on climbed on, touched by filthy hands and had mice run across it, and if nothing else was probably covered in layers of dust. - CalgaryChris77
9. A fair warning to those who may end up with cops
A lot of people know this, but, the police can lie to you. About damn near anything.
If you are ever arrested, shut the f**k up. Request a lawyer.
I can repeat this, but you dumb motherf**kers will still talk to the f**king cops. You are soooo much better off just not talking to them.
10. From a TV reality show video editor
Video editor here for reality TV. It's fake for the most part. They usually do multiple takes of the "reality" scenes that are staged beforehand.
The most recent egregious use of this is Duck Dynasty. They pass the show off as reality tv and they actually have table readings for that show before shoots.
Not saying that reality TV isn't sometimes entertaining. I'm just saying that you shouldn't be fooled into thinking that this is actually reality and the camera just happened to be there when these people were doing what they normally do.
11. From a motorcycle brand worker
Harley Davidson is in pretty bad shape, they store the lion's share of their new motorcycles in some warehouses in Montana because they don't want to stop production just to keep shareholder happy. They are a ticking time bomb.
Oh also for the last few years they force retailers to buy some new bikes every year even though they don't change. If the retailers don't buy them they lose their licensing to sell Harley's.
So basically all their sales have been made up for the last five or so years.
12. From a pharmaceutical researcher
Most people who say this are ignored as kooks, but having worked in pharmaceutical research, I can confirm this:
We already have developed better, safer medicines than most of the c**p currently on the market. However due to the following reasons, most of it will never reach the market.
* FDA Approval costs a fair amount of money and time, and for a "new drug" to be approved takes bloody years. The slightest f**kup in testing and back to the beginning.
* Money. If a new drug discovery is not going to be as profitable as the stuff currently on the market, it will simply be patented and sat on.
* Research funding: Not enough of it anymore to properly explore all the possibilities.
13. From a teacher
Your child's success depends mainly on three things: the child's will, the parent's support, and the teacher's skill. If your child doesn't want to learn, he won't learn. If you don't f**king feed your child properly, he won't be able to learn. If your child gets his way at home, he will be a terror in class and won't succeed.
I am only a part of your child's education. I can't do anything if he refuses to learn or if you refuse to support him.
14. From a vet staff
When you pick your dog up from the kennel after a splendid beach vacation and he/she smells like dog shampoo (probably because you requested a grooming session), that's because we have a spray that smells like dog shampoo.
Your dog has been in his cage, frightened by the foreign environment and loud barking/growling dogs. He probably s**t himself or peed and then laid down in the puddle.
This made him feel extremely guilty because he knows he's supposed to go *outside* for that. He's a mess, mentally and physically.
So when you come to pick him up and we realize "oops, Fido never got over to the groomers", we have a spray bottle of doggie febreeze. We wipe any s**t off as best we can, tie a festive bandana around their neck, and hope you don't notice the completely manic excitement they're exhibiting when you're finally reunited.
*I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry, I love you, I love you, please let's leave, let's leave, let's leave, leave, leave, leave, I trust you, I'm sorry*
15. From a retail worker
For people who LOVE to return items. That little policy on your receipt is interpreted by me, the cashier. If you are polite and kind to me I am more than happy to bend the rules in your favor for one of the world's largest retail companies that can probably afford to lose a little money here and there.
IF you are a d**k to me I will use any excuse to deny you a cash refund and my company is not known for customer service, so my management will almost always back up whatever my claim is and support my strict ruling of our refund policy.
TL:DR: be nice to cashiers and we will be nice in return.
16. From a car dealer
Car dealership. WE ARE SCAMMING YOU. - Knobbs
17. From a 911 dispatcher
911: Location first, say it twice and say it clearly. Then allow the dispatcher to lead the call. I know you think you know what needs to be said, but I promise you everything will go more smoothly if you let me take the lead. I'll be gentle.
Also, yelling at me to "Get them here! Get them here!" does not actually make them get there faster. The police drive cars, they don't teleport. Me asking you questions doesn't slow down the response, another dispatcher has already sent them. Me asking you questions helps make sure the officers are informed when they get there so they don't waste the first few minutes on scene playing catch-up.
Calling from a landline usually gives me your name and address from the moment you call. Calling from a cell phone does not. I can geo-validate your call and get a close location, but it isn't 100% accurate. Calling from a disconnected cell phone makes it impossible to call you back OR geovalidate your location.
If you dial 911 on accident, stay on the line, don't hurriedly hang up and hope the call didn't go through. I'm going to have to blow up your phone AND text you if you don't take 20 seconds to stay on the line and let me know it was an accident.
Don't give disconnected cell phones to children to play with, unless you remove the battery first. I can't tell you how many parents just let their 2-year-old play with an old phone because they assume she can't call anyone. She can call 911. Over...and over...and over again.
Interfering with a 911 call is illegal. If you're fighting with your girlfriend and she calls 911, do not try to take the phone from her, yell over her, disconnect the phone line, etc. You can be arrested.
Seriously people, learn your address. Be aware of your surroundings. You should know your address before you move somewhere. If you're going to a party, maybe try to just know what street the party is on, just in case. If you're in an emergency at a residence and don't know the address, look for a piece of mail. I know this sounds like ridiculously obvious advice, but you'd be surprised.
911 is for emergencies only. You should have your local non-emergency police and sheriff's department numbers saved in your phone. If you don't, please do yourself a favor and look those up right this moment and put them in your phone.
18. From a researcher
The groundbreaking scientific results published by the mainstream media bear little resemblance to the results published in the actual scientific article. - anon
19. From a visual effects specialist
I work in visual effects for large hollywood movies. We do so much digital cleanup and enhancement of practical effects, yet get no credit for how it looks.
We only get sh*t on when a director or studio forces us to make cartoony CG characters or un-photorealistic backgrounds. We're the only department that doesn't have a union, yet we're in charge of upwards of half the movie's budget.
Life of Pi was shot mostly on green screen, yet the cinematographer got an Oscar, even though most of those shots were created later in VFX without his input.
20. From a trucker
Recently retired trucker here. A fully loaded semi-truck traveling at highway speeds takes approximately 100 yards to come to a complete stop.
Which means that the fun game of slamming on the brakes at the last minute in front of a big truck is just one of several ways you get referred to by the phrase "dead man driving."
21. From a former military
If more citizens knew how often U.S. Military individuals said things along the lines of, "F**k civilians, they can suck my d**k." People might lose some of their unrelenting support for the troops. -All_Knowing_Wizard
22. From a deep sea diver
I was a deep sea diver for 10 years in the Gulf of Mexico. Huge oil spills happen and are covered up hundreds of times a year by every company. The entire industry is in on it. The bottom of the gulf is a disgusting garbage dump. Every boat dumps their trash into the gulf no one obeys the laws and the coast guard doesn't enforce s**t. - Diverdave76
23. From a space worker
I work in the space industry and I am happy to report that there are no tricks here, everything must work with multiple redundant systems. - FutureIsMine
24. ...From someone who's spilling the dumps of being unemployed
I don't have tons of free time.
I am unemployed and despite contrary f**king belief I am neither lazy nor have tons of time.
Searching for a job is a full-time job by itself. In parallel, it's hard to keep searching for a job because really there is no reward. Usually, when you do something there is a result. You go to the gym and you burn calories. You sell sh*t and you make money. You study and you get grades. Even if you fail at something. You f**king learn something and try a different approach, you gain experience.
When you search for a job there is no result. You try and you try and you try....and nothing happens. Like drilling a hole in the water.
In parallel. You can't plan anything. You cant buy a f**king washing machine because you don't know where you will be staying tomorrow. I cant plan a trip back home to see my family because I need to be on stand-by for interviews and even be here to answer the f**king phone.
So no. I don't have tons of free time. Not having a job also f**ks with your biorhythm. Meaning it's hard to wake up early and sleep early. When I had a job I could easily wake up by myself at 7. Now some nights I don't sleep at all.
And this is just a part of being unemployed. I am the lucky one. Because I still have money left and a supportive family.
25. From an IT support
From my time at the IT help desk: 90% of the time I'm not "a genius who magically knows how to solve problems". I just google whatever you told me and followed the steps from the top result to fix it. - reddit
26. From someone who has worked with the military budget
From my former job: The US military has a tradition where you spend your entire budget by Oct (the new fiscal year) or you risk losing that portion of your budget. I've been in units that would go out and purchase $200,000 worth of useless s**t just to avoid having a budget surplus.
Multiply by the number of units in the military (a s**t ton) and you have all your fraud, waste and abuse.
27. From someone who has had insider info on NY Times advertising
Got an interesting one for you: The New York Times Bestseller List is Curated Advertising.
Yup. While it is based on sales, there are some nifty little loopholes left in the list to allow publishers to "choose" what gets on the list.
Here's how it works. What shows up on the list is the top sellers from set locations in a period of time, right? So a publisher comes out with a book, and they want it to go right to the list on day one. So they call the seller and place an order in advance to buy all the books that seller has that they haven't even shipped out yet. The seller takes the money, and all those books are now "sold." So they need more books to sell. So they contact the publisher, who agrees to sell them more stock, which happens to be the stock they just bought back.
The publisher then calls the seller and buys the stock again. The seller calls the publisher and orders more. Repeat until you've got the numbers you need (which you know, since the big publishers swap info freely so that everyone knows how many sales will take what spot on the list). You can "sell" 30,000 books this way while only having 2000 printed. The whole time the stock sits in a single place.
There's no rule against this. After all, the publisher does pay the seller each time. 50% of that money comes back to them, however, so it's basically low-cost advertising.
And that's how you get a book on the NYT Bestseller list. But only if you're with a big publisher. In the last few years, indie and self-pub books like The Martian started getting on the list, both through legit sales and the creators using the same system ... So the NYT restricted the list. You're only qualified for it if you're one of the big publishers now.
And now you know.
28. From a call center agent
Call center here.
Just because you hear music when I put you on hold, doesn't mean I do.
I can hear every profanity you utter.
29. From a bookstore worker
Large chain bookstores: so so so many perfectly good books get thrown out...
Mass market paperbacks are cheap to manufacture and get shipped out in huge volumes. For some publishers (particularly ones that put out new mysteries or romances quarterly) when the bookstore wants it off the shelf to make room for something new, it's just not worth the cost of taking them back and finding someone else to sell it.
But they don't want anyone getting them for free. So as a bookstore employee I spent hours ripping the front and back covers off of books, then tearing the book at least in half so that no one could read it later.
The covers get sent back to the publishers, and the books that could have been donated to a library or school get put in a locked recycling container out back. A manager had to come back and check my work to make sure the books were not left intact.
I almost cried the first time I had to rip up a load of kid's books (in a city with high child poverty rates and underfunded schools).
30. From a business owner
If you own your own business, never and I mean never do any work for anyone with the promise of more business later on, if they want you to do it free the first time. Just drop them as clients and move on. - anon
31. From a graphic designer
Graphic designer here. For the last time, just because we have Photoshop and Illustrator doesn't mean the design process is on auto-pilot. So when we say we need an extra hour to work out your problem, we mean it.
And yes, we need the vector file of your logo, or at least a PDF copy of it.
32. From a radio DJ
I'm in radio. We don't get to pick what we play on air, the pd schedules it and we just talk in between songs. The closest we get is when we play a request, that's usually something we wanted to hear and no one actually requested it.
The guys down at the talk station ironically can play whatever they want but think the last good song came out in 1975.
33. From a worker at a US lobbying firm
I work at a US lobbying firm, and I'm sure no Redditor would be shocked to hear that US legislators are ignorant. You might be surprised just HOW ill-informed a lot of them are, though.
Like the Congressman who believed David Cameron was a member of the Socialist party. Or the one that asked me why we called it Russia now, not the USSR.
Or the Senator who told me he'd grown up drinking sea water, and it was healthier for you. Or the governor who thought all Jews were k**led by Hitler. The list could go on.
34. From a professional duct worker
It is impossible to crawl through ventilation shafts. Professional duct worker here. - kilimanziaro
35. From a registered massage therapist
90% of your upper shoulder/neck problems can be solved by stretching properly daily. Same thing with headaches.
Well, there's definitely a good reason that these corporations won't want you to know everything that goes on in the background and it's the perfect situation to say that sometimes, ignorance really is bliss. We can't rule out some questionable things here, though, but at least because of these ex-employees, we're becoming aware!
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