Divorced Father Faces Dilemma On Prioritizing Debt Repayment Or Yielding To Ex-Wife's Demand For Larger Apartment

"I want to pay off the debts so I've got a buffer."

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• December 6, 2023

Divorce and financial struggles are pervasive issues that many people face, often leading to tough choices and compromises. Balancing the needs of children, the complexities of shared finances, and personal well-being can be a real challenge, especially when unexpected expenses and obligations arise.

In a particularly striking Reddit story, a 38-year-old man shares his ordeal following a divorce. He and his ex-wife, 34, have two daughters, aged 9 and 7.

As part of their divorce settlement, he agreed to waive alimony payments in exchange for shouldering the full burden of their home's mortgage and bills until their daughters turn 19. At that point, the house will be sold, and his ex-wife will receive 60% of the proceeds.

Additionally, he took on all their existing debts, totaling around $45,000. After moving out, he found himself in a modest houseshare, the only affordable option in his area.

This arrangement, however, means he can't have his daughters stay overnight, a situation his ex-wife wants to change. She insists he uses the funds previously allocated for alimony to rent a 2 or 3-bedroom place to share custody.

Despite his desire to do so, OP is financially constrained due to the significant debts he's shouldering, including credit card debts and loans, some of which were accrued by his ex-wife for personal expenses. He's in a predicament.

While he could stretch his finances to rent a larger place now, he's wary of future financial risks, including rising mortgage costs due to increasing interest rates and a second equity loan. His ex-wife, earning a low wage, is pushing for immediate action and even considering legal avenues to enforce her demands.

OP feels caught between his responsibilities to his children and the need to manage his finances responsibly.

OP and his ex-wife divorced and agreed on alimony, mortgage, and debts.

OP now lives in a small, affordable houseshare, but his ex wants him to rent a more prominent place for the girls. His $45k debt, including credit cards and loans, makes this financially challenging.

OP wants 50/50 childcare but must pay off debt first. His ex-wife wants him to get a place now and is taking legal action for immediate action.

The OP would prefer an equal childcare arrangement, but his ex relies on OP's financial support; OP has a good income but only gets paid for the days he works and hasn't taken a vacation in the last two years.

OP is divorced, so his ex shouldn't control his finances if he fulfilled his obligations.

OP is not in the wrong for not meeting his ex-wife's financial demands.

OP should get legal representation if the ex-spouse is pursuing changes to existing agreements.

OP is not wrong in this situation, where he has received an unfair deal regarding finances and responsibilities.

OP can try taking on more daytime responsibilities to spend quality time with his children.

OP should offer her two options: keep things as they are or sell the house.

OP's commitment to financial responsibility sets a good example for his children.

OP should get a new lawyer to review the agreement, as the ex-wife has taken advantage of the situation.

It's not fair to say that OP in this situation is wrong. He's going through a tough time after a divorce and is dealing with a lot of money problems.

He's trying to take care of his kids, but he also has debts to pay. What's most important is finding a solution that works for everyone, especially the children, and respects the fact that he doesn't have a lot of money to spare.

This means that they need to talk to each other, find some compromises, and maybe get some expert advice.

Damjan