Woman's Rejection Of Unwanted Advances In A Male-Dominated Hobby Group Sparks A Debate On Differences Between Flirting And Being Nice

"I personally don't feel like I led any of them."

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• May 17, 2023

In the vast landscape of dating and relationships, interests and hobbies often play a crucial role. They provide a common ground where individuals can connect and bond.

However, in the case of OP, a 27-year-old woman, her passion for male-dominated hobbies has created a unique predicament. OP's pursuit of these hobbies often led her into environments that were predominantly male.

Finding an accepting and friendly space was challenging, but when she did, she was determined to preserve its atmosphere. For OP, these spaces were sanctuaries to enjoy her hobbies, not platforms for finding potential dates.

She maintained a clear boundary, keeping her dating life separate from her work and hobbies, akin to a policy of not dating coworkers. However, this decision began to stir trouble when Ben, a member of one of her hobby groups, asked her out.

OP, aiming to preserve the group's congenial dynamics, gently declined his proposal. When asked for a reason, she was candid, explaining her principle of keeping her hobby and dating life separate.

This explanation did not sit well with Ben. He accused OP of unfairly discounting potential partners and setting herself up for failure by not dating those with shared interests. OP, however, viewed this differently.

She believed that common hobbies were not a prerequisite for a successful relationship. Instead, she preferred dating those with different hobbies, allowing her to explore and experience new things.

Ben also accused OP of leading him on by not being upfront about her stance on dating within the group. OP felt this was unjustified as she did not perceive her behavior as such and found it odd to bring up her dating preferences without any relevant context.

OP asks:

OP's pursuit of hobbies often led her into environments that were predominantly male.

For OP, these spaces were sanctuaries to enjoy her hobbies, not platforms for finding potential dates.

However, this decision began to stir trouble when Ben, a member of one of her hobby groups, asked her out.

Consequently, OP found herself questioning her decisions. Was it wrong of her to segregate her hobby groups and romantic interests?

Does Ben's criticism hold any validity? These questions underscore the complex dynamics between dating, hobbies, and the spaces where these elements intersect.

"Ben needs to learn to take no for an answer."

"Ben is very insecure."

No is a complete sentence. No further explanation needed.

OP should tell him to mind his own business.

A bit of sarcasm here, but maybe that's what women should really do.

OP should report this behavior

Not a great guy. Not even a nice guy

"Tell him to leave you alone."

A lot of people you meet in hobby groups will be there looking to date

OP didn't create drama - Ben did

This:

Completely true

He took his mask right off

How did she lead him on?

Female gamer says:

Ben needs to grow up

No date for Ben

Ben's criticism seems to stem from a sense of entitlement, which, unfortunately, is not an uncommon problem in male-dominated spaces. Just because OP shares a hobby with the men in these groups does not automatically mean she is available or interested in dating them.

The accusation of leading him on highlights a significant issue. The onus should not be on OP to declare her unavailability for dating.

Is it fair or necessary for a woman to have to announce or justify her decision to focus on her interests rather than seeking romantic relationships? The answer should be a resounding 'no.'

Women do not need to wear a 'Not Ready for Dating' sign whenever they participate in public spaces, hobbies, or groups. The idea that women should be responsible for managing men's expectations is outdated and one-sided.

Instead, the emphasis should be on promoting respect for personal boundaries and understanding that shared interests do not automatically translate into romantic availability.

Damjan