Redditor Claims His Comments About Coworker's Food Were Well-Intentioned, His Coworker Feels Differently

"I was telling her how good it smelled, I also mentioned that some other people at the office might think it would be too smelly or ethnic"

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• October 13, 2023

You know that saying, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions"? Well, it means that even when you have good plans or want to do the right thing, sometimes things can go wrong or end up in a bad way. Well, that's exactly what happened to the OP.

OP, a 32-year-old white male, faced a workplace dilemma. His coworker, "Anna," a 23-ish-year-old Asian female, recently joined the office and brought her homemade lunch on non-food truck days.

One day, while Anna was heating her homemade stir fry in the shared microwave, OP inquired about the recipe but also expressed concerns about potential criticism due to its aroma.

OP intended to caution Anna about potential microaggressions related to her food choice while emphasizing his enjoyment of it. Some coworkers overheard and later criticized OP for his comments.

Despite defending his point, he felt frustrated when Anna reported the conversation to HR. OP regretted that Anna hadn't approached him directly, as he believed it was a misunderstanding.

He wanted to be a supportive mentor in her early career. He acknowledged the situation had escalated, with some coworkers perceiving him as racist despite his allyship efforts.

OP questioned whether he was wrong in advising Anna about her food's potential impact. Later, OP recognized his mistake and aimed to apologize to Anna in an HR-appropriate manner, hoping she wouldn't quit while avoiding jeopardizing his job.

He vowed to be a better ally in the future, appreciating the insights gained.

OP is a 32-year-old white male with a potential work issue involving a new coworker, Anna (23-ish, Asian).

OP told Anna that while he liked her homemade stir fry, some coworkers might have unfounded concerns about its smell or cultural origins due to potential microaggressions.

Some colleagues overheard their conversation and found it inappropriate, and one coworker accused OP of being the only harasser

Anna reported their conversation to HR, and now OP's coworkers think he is racist.

OP admits that his comment was insensitive, and he wants to apologize to her in a professional manner

OP is the microaggressor

OP's coworker is fully aware of racism, and OP has needlessly made her uncomfortable around colleagues who may not be racist

OP should stop pretending to be an ally, and quit hovering around his young coworker.

OP advised a new coworker not to bring in her food to avoid harassment, but that was itself a form of harassment.

OP is the aggressor here

OP assumed the woman was making ethnic food just based on her appearance, and then he acted self-righteous about it.

OP behaved like the people he was warning her about.

OP made a well-intentioned but insensitive comment about a coworker's food and ethnicity, which caused discomfort and led to a complaint to HR. He should apologize sincerely to his coworkers, reflect on his actions, educate himself on cultural sensitivity, and be cautious with his words in the workplace.

It's good for OP to cooperate with HR and use this as an opportunity for personal growth and to become a more considerate ally to his coworkers.

Damjan