Mother And Daughter Clash Over Christmas Presents For Extended Family

"I got presents for my nieces, nephews, and grandkids (who were at my house for Christmas)."

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• November 20, 2023

In many families, the holidays are a time of warmth and unity, yet they can also magnify existing tensions, especially when it comes to differing views on parenting and family traditions. This balance becomes even more challenging when extended family members, such as cousins or in-laws, are involved, raising questions about inclusion and expectations during festive occasions.

A recent Reddit post vividly illustrates these complexities. OP's daughter and her husband are taking care of the daughter's husband's cousins (11 and 7).

OP and her daughter haven't gotten along over the past few months due to different views on how to raise the kids. OP wasn't very surprised when her daughter declined OP's invitation for her, her husband, and the kids to come over for Christmas, although she excused it as wanting their first Christmas to be quiet and not overwhelming.

She came over the other day to drop off a Christmas gift from her, her husband, and the kids. OP thanked her and invited her in for coffee. They stayed and talked for a while, and it was nice.

However, when she was done, she was waiting expectantly by the door. She eventually asked if OP had gotten anything for the kids, and OP said no because they weren't there for Christmas.

She started yelling at OP for not thinking of the kids or getting them anything for Christmas, even though OP got presents for her nieces, nephews, and grandkids (who were at her house for Christmas). She ended up buying toys and wrapping paper and telling the kids it was from OP, then sent videos of them opening it and another one of the youngest saying "thank you, grandma" to rub it in.

She and the kids were supposed to come for lunch on Sunday, but she canceled, and OP is pretty sure it was because of the Christmas presents.

OP's daughter and her husband are caring for her husband's younger cousins, ages 11 and 7. Recent parenting disagreements led to her declining OP's Christmas invitation, with the reason being a wish for a peaceful first Christmas with the kids.

Her daughter visited with a Christmas gift and expected gifts for the kids, but OP didn't have any since the kids wouldn't be there for Christmas.

OP's daughter got upset for not getting Christmas presents for her husband's cousins, eventually bought gifts for them, and claimed they were from OP's, sending videos of them opening the presents.

Refusing to give the kids gifts seems like a spiteful move

OP's ongoing conflict with her daughter about how to raise the kids is causing tension.

It's not fair to impose her parenting views on her.

OP didn't get gifts for the kids because she didn't accept them.

OP should consider being more understanding and supportive.

OP is in the wrong here because it seems like she is making gifts conditional on them doing what she wants, which isn't fair.

OP should make an effort to build a relationship with your future grandchildren.

Having a family event where some kids get gifts while others don't, especially when the latter are already going through a tough time, can be traumatic and needlessly cruel.

It appears OP's issues with her daughter go beyond Reddit's opinions.

She did OP a favor by including her name on the gifts

OP may have made a mistake by not getting Christmas presents for her daughter's husband's cousins just because they weren't at her house. Understandably, tensions between OP and her daughter regarding child-rearing choices may have played a role in this decision.

However, the key issue here is not about the presents themselves, but rather the strained relationship between OP and her daughter. OP should consider taking steps to mend their relationship and communicate openly.

It's important to address the underlying issues and differences in child-rearing philosophies, as well as any other sources of tension. This may involve having an honest and calm conversation with her daughter, expressing her feelings, and listening to her daughter's perspective as well.

Finding common ground and respecting each other's choices can help rebuild trust and understanding.

Additionally, OP could acknowledge her mistake in not getting presents for the cousins and apologize if it hurt her daughter or the kids. Taking responsibility for her actions can go a long way in resolving the immediate issue.

Damjan