OP's daughter and her husband are caring for her husband's younger cousins, ages 11 and 7. Recent parenting disagreements led to her declining OP's Christmas invitation, with the reason being a wish for a peaceful first Christmas with the kids.
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Her daughter visited with a Christmas gift and expected gifts for the kids, but OP didn't have any since the kids wouldn't be there for Christmas.
OP's daughter got upset for not getting Christmas presents for her husband's cousins, eventually bought gifts for them, and claimed they were from OP's, sending videos of them opening the presents.
Refusing to give the kids gifts seems like a spiteful move
OP's ongoing conflict with her daughter about how to raise the kids is causing tension.
It's not fair to impose her parenting views on her.
OP didn't get gifts for the kids because she didn't accept them.
OP should consider being more understanding and supportive.
OP is in the wrong here because it seems like she is making gifts conditional on them doing what she wants, which isn't fair.
OP should make an effort to build a relationship with your future grandchildren.
Having a family event where some kids get gifts while others don't, especially when the latter are already going through a tough time, can be traumatic and needlessly cruel.
It appears OP's issues with her daughter go beyond Reddit's opinions.
She did OP a favor by including her name on the gifts
OP may have made a mistake by not getting Christmas presents for her daughter's husband's cousins just because they weren't at her house. Understandably, tensions between OP and her daughter regarding child-rearing choices may have played a role in this decision.
However, the key issue here is not about the presents themselves, but rather the strained relationship between OP and her daughter. OP should consider taking steps to mend their relationship and communicate openly.
It's important to address the underlying issues and differences in child-rearing philosophies, as well as any other sources of tension. This may involve having an honest and calm conversation with her daughter, expressing her feelings, and listening to her daughter's perspective as well.
Finding common ground and respecting each other's choices can help rebuild trust and understanding.
Additionally, OP could acknowledge her mistake in not getting presents for the cousins and apologize if it hurt her daughter or the kids. Taking responsibility for her actions can go a long way in resolving the immediate issue.