OP And Her Husband Eagerly Await The Birth Of Their First Child In Early December, But Their Usual Christmas Plans Have Taken An Unexpected Turn

"MIL has been emailing my husband and my mother that it’s “her year” for Christmas"

Damjan

• Published in Interesting
• October 4, 2023

As the holiday season approaches, many families eagerly anticipate coming together to celebrate and create cherished memories. For one couple, however, the joy of impending parenthood has been accompanied by a challenging dilemma involving their upcoming Christmas plans.

The main character in this story, OP, and her husband are expecting their first child in early December, a momentous occasion that understandably takes top priority in their lives. Traditionally, they alternate spending Christmas with their respective parents.

In a surprising twist, the husband's mother, OP's MIL, has taken the initiative to plan a formal Christmas Eve dinner at an upscale restaurant. What makes this situation complex is the fact that MIL has excluded OP from the planning process, leading to feelings of stress and exclusion.

OP's husband, recognizing the need for boundaries during this pivotal time, has conveyed his doubts about attending the formal dinner due to the imminent arrival of their baby. MIL, however, insists that the infant can also attend and believes spending time with the aging grandparents on Christmas Eve is crucial.

The underlying issue here is not merely about attending a dinner but the history of antagonism and vilification between OP and MIL. Both OP and her husband have chosen not to involve OP in the discussions with MIL to prevent further conflict, but the question arises: Is it time to address these concerns directly?

The mother-in-law of OP is organizing a Christmas Eve dinner at an upscale restaurant, and the guest list includes OP, OP's newborn baby and both sets of parents. However, OP is experiencing stress because she is not actively involved in the planning discussions and feels left out.

The husband set clear boundaries with his parents, explaining that they may not attend a Christmas Eve dinner due to the upcoming baby, but the mother-in-law insists

OP has a history of conflict with her MIL, and there's a desire to communicate directly with her about their decision and boundaries

It's okay not to make big plans during pregnancy time, and OP doesn't have to endure unnecessary pressure

It's flu season, and it's essential for OP to prioritize her baby's well-being over pleasing her MIL.

It's good that OP's husband supports this idea.

OP can celebrate Christmas at their own home to avoid holiday travel stress

She's excluding OP from the planning because she knows OP might decline her plans, and she's trying to manipulate her into attending

This Christmas is special because of OP's pregnancy, and it's okay not to commit to any plans due to uncertainty about childbirth and post-birth recovery.

OP's mother-in-law shouldn't be arranging fancy dinners so soon, she should focus on supporting OP and the baby instead.

OP needs to trust her husband to handle his mother's behavior and boundaries; she's not worth OP's time or energy

It doesn't matter if it's just days or a few weeks after giving birth; her demands are unreasonable

OP and her husband's primary responsibility is to their new baby and the demands of the postpartum period. Their hesitancy to attend the formal dinner is not only understandable but also justified, given the circumstances.

It's reasonable for OP to want to assert herself in discussions about her family's plans, especially when they involve her and their future child.

OP is not in the wrong for prioritizing her and her baby's well-being, and she and her husband need to set clear boundaries. They should kindly but firmly express their intentions to MIL and find a compromise that allows for family time without compromising their new roles as parents.

Ultimately, family traditions are meaningful, but they should adapt to changing circumstances. OP and her husband's choice to focus on their child's well-being is right, and their approach to this situation should be respected and supported.

Damjan