"Your child owes you nothing". This is according to full-time mom Lisa Pontius, who is eager to spread this message far and wide to anyone who cares to listen.
The mother of two gave a passionate defense in a TikTok video, buttressing her stance that guilt-tripping children into believing they owe their parents a special kind of relationship and reverence because of all they've done for them is totally wrong. She believes that children should be allowed to decide how their connection will develop when they become adults.
As a parent, you are responsible for meeting your child's basic needs, not just for the sake of ensuring that your child will obey and respect you, even when doing so blindly. As such, taking care of your child's basic needs should be done without placing any expectations on the child to show gratitude in return.
For sure, kids are grateful for what their parents do for them, and quite often, they might feel like they owe them. However, the truth is that it's just a natural response to being treated well by others which will never equate to "owing" someone something.
4.1 million views, 642k likes, and 70.8k shares show just how popular the issue of setting boundaries with loved ones is with TikTok users. And with each passing minute, the viral video continues to garner more engagements.
For more information: TikTok | Instagram | ItsMeLisaP.com
Lisa argues that everything a parent does for their children should be viewed as part of their role as parents. You're expected to provide for your child's basic needs, such as a roof over their head, food, clothing, security, education, as well as several other small and huge tasks that contribute to their development into a responsible adults.
This is a duty that you willingly accepted when you decided to have kids, and you can't expect to receive a medal or trophy for doing what you're supposed to do.
In her words:
You don't get a participation trophy for housing your child or keeping your child clean. The whole 'roof over your head' argument is manipulative because, in theory, wouldn't you have had a place to live for yourself regardless of if you had children? A kid isn't a freeloading roommate; they're your dependent and your responsibility.
In the mother's opinion, even if a person does not always "rise to the occasion," they should still perform the bare minimum in terms of parenting. It's required of you to provide for the physical and monetary requirements of your children.
Lisa emphasized that good parents go above and beyond to meet their children's material needs, and that's what sets them apart from average parents.
You don't provide for your kids to ensure that they will mindlessly obey whatever you say when they grow up. Even if you think you've done a fantastic job, Lisa said, there's always a potential that your children will no longer want to spend time with you.
This is due to the fact that you don't get to choose your children or the hardships they face, as she put it. Strive to be your child's best friend and strongest support at all times, and maybe your bond with him/her will improve over time.
However, have it in mind that nothing is certain because your children are also individual entities with their own mindset.
Lisa revealed on her blog that she used to be a private chef in New York before relocating to Charleston and settling down as a full-time mom. Lisa is married with a daughter and son, Lyla and Miles. They also have an adorable pup that she feeds all day.
After having kids and turning 30, I found myself in a crisis of style and situation. I took myself out of the food and beverage world to be a full-time mom and wife. Struggling to find my new identity and figure out who I was, I found myself creating this new me through style. She explains.
It took me a few years to figure out this whole fashion thing, but here I am, with a fully curated and ever-evolving sense of personal style that has made me a more vibrant version of myself.
Lisa made it clear that she is well aware that her opinions are divisive and likely to enrage a large number of people. Let us know what you think about her parenting philosophy.
Does she have a point? Do you believe youngsters owe their parents a lot for everything they've done? Or is the situation more complicated than it appears to be? Share your thoughts in the comments area.