30 People Revealed What Cheating Is And Useful Tips To Recognize It As Soon As It Starts

"When trust and respect are gone, the relationship is gone too"

Filip

• Published in Facts
• September 4, 2022

Finding your life partner is a really hard thing to do. But when you finally find it, you feel like you have found your other missing half.

Naturally, you expect everything to go smooth and easy, and what could possibly ruin your beautiful relationship established on mutual trust and similar interests? There is no such thing, right?

Unfortunately, not everyone manages to find what they are looking for, but some of them simply realize it later, or even too late. And no matter how difficult that situation can be, everyone values the truth rather than a lie, or worse, an affair.

It is always painful and disappointing to discover your partner was unfaithful to you. No one enters into a long-term relationship expecting to be cheated on and end up with a broken heart.

Therefore, if the affair comes to light, then the relationship is thus on the line. Whether it's emotional or sexual, an affair is still an affair and heartbreaking.

Cheated individuals can literally feel a part of them dying, and they can only watch and wait for it to happen. And even the cautious cheaters forget to delete their trails at some point and get caught.

Recently, a Reddit user was curious about this subject and asked people, "Where does cheating in a relationship start for you?". People rushed to share their personal definitions of infidelity as well as some of the tiny warning signals which indicate that partner might be lying.

Someone asked:

1. "If you would be unwilling to tell your partner about an interaction, then it's probably time to start thinking about what you're doing."

2. "Withdrawing emotionally from your partner and offering that energy to someone else. Cheating doesn't have to be kissing or f*****g."

3. "If you would be upset if your partner did it to you, it's cheating."

4. "Having romantic feelings for someone else"

"I'd say, having romantic feelings for someone else and following through on those feelings with the other person. Crushes, fantasies, and whatnot happen all the time for pretty much everyone.

The difference between cheating and being human is what you do with those feelings. It's all about intent and actions. Just having feelings is only natural."

5. Two basic litmus tests

"I think the two basic litmus tests are. Would you tell them/do it in front of them?

Would you be okay with it if they did the same thing? If the answer is yes to both, it’s probably fine.

If it’s no to either, then at minimum you’re on dangerous ground."

6. It's about intentions

"Honestly it's about intentions more than anything. If my SO started pursuing someone romantically that's cheating - doesn't matter if it's lovey-dovey texting or f*****g.

If my SO was at a party and a drunk person kissed him suddenly against his wishes, that's not cheating. At the end of the day it comes down to them wanting to be with another person and they aren't being honest about it.

The polite thing to do, even though it's painful and hard and sad, is to break up. Breaking up is never s**ttier than cheating."

7. Lies

"It always starts with lies. Be it texts or snaps, if one of us have to lie or hide, it's wrong and should not happen."

8. "If you wouldn't want your partner to know, it's cheating."

"I wouldn't flirt with someone else in front of my partner, so I don't flirt with people when he's not around either."

9. The sneaking around.

"The second you start plotting to do something behind my back. You're violating the trust of the relationship."

10. Hang out with your exes, but don't want your partner to meet them

"My ex kept telling me I'd ruin our relationship if I met his friends (both girls, both exes). He also said I wasn't entitled to meet his friends (we've been dating for 5 months and he said he wanted to live with me someday).

Basically, I started getting uncomfortable about his relationship with these women and he would tell me I was accusing him anytime I asked anything about them. Literally anything.

I don't know if he was doing something physical or actively in a romantic relationship with them, or just felt his friendships were a bit flirty or inappropriate and didn't want me to know but... not worth putting up with it."

11. Any sort of romantic investment in another person

"When any sort of romantic investment in another person starts occurring. If my partner was texting someone and saying they loved them in a romantic way that would be enough to end things.

Because at that point, they have made up their mind and have stated their intentions."

12. "Watching an episode of a series we’re watching together on Netflix without me."

13. "If the text messages need to be deleted, it’s cheating."

14. In lying

"In the lying. If you want to f**k someone else, tell me.

Maybe we can come to an understanding or maybe we can't, but the strongest relationships I've ever had were the ones where one of us would see a hottie (of either gender) walk by, and the other would nudge so we both could appreciate that s**t.

I once was in a relationship where we had an agreement that if my girlfriend (who was very bi) needed sex that didn't involve a penis, she had the green light to go and get it.

I acknowledged that there are factors in that kind of sex I can't replicate so that was totally fair. I never suffered from it, and she seemed happier for it."

15. As simple as this:

"If there’s a grey area, it’s cheating. If you know they will be upset, it’s cheating. If you have to hide it/lie/omit details. It’s cheating."

16. The intent

"For me, an ex of mine that would later cheat on me started a tinder profile in which she claimed she "just wanted to find friends" and she certainly found quite a few of them. Obviously, she didn't just want friends.

It could be as small as reaching out to an ex to say happy birthday, but most people have the intent to do something well before it is executed."

17. Emotional affairs

"Well I count emotional affairs as cheating, but this can be difficult to define. Because I want my partner to be able to have good, supportive, close friendships with other people.

I just don't want them to replace me, or for him to be closer to them than he is to me. And I don't want it to cross obvious boundaries (physical intimacy).

I generally walk the line of if something bothers me I talk to him about it. Afterward, if it still doesn't feel right and I'm not happy then I would need to make a decision."

18. Not respecting boundaries

"Cheating occurs when boundaries have been broken. What those boundaries are, is going to differ between relationships.

However, cheating (or not respecting boundaries) is a symptom of a much larger, fundamental problem with the relationship. That problem is usually a breakdown of communication, but could be (but not exclusively) intimacy issues, abuse (mental, physical, and/or sexual), and mental health of one or more in the relationship.

To put it more plainly, people in fulfilling, well functioning, stable relationships don't cheat."

19 Hiding the nature of "friendship" from your partner

"When you’re hiding the nature of a “friendship” from your partner and the rest of the social circle because it’s becoming slightly more than a friendship and you aren’t shutting it down, you’re hiding an affair."

20. There are three tiers:

"First-tier would be texting another dude in a non-platonic way. The second tier would be actually hanging out with this person behind my back and lying about where you were.

The third tier is any kind of non-platonic physical contact, holding hands to f*****g, it's all the same to me.

Edit: lots of replies about holding hands: yes is very PG rated, but you don't hold hands with someone you don't have feelings for. You don't hold hands with someone you're not emotionally invested in.

You can f**k someone and not be emotionally invested in them. To me holding hands is almost worse but in a different way."

21. A rare perspective:

"I am aware my opinion is going to be in the minority. Pretty much physical stuff is the only thing I consider cheating.

She can flirt with guys, hell even have an only fans and I wouldn't care, but if she lets someone fondle her boobs or kiss her that's crossing a line for me."

22. Boundaries

"This is solely dictated by the boundaries that you and your partner set in your specific relationship. The best way to avoid this kind of trouble is to have healthy communication between each other and setting these boundaries early.

If you come to a disagreement, either manage a compromise or find someone else whose boundaries match your own."

23. It starts with motive, intention, and conscience.

"As cheesy as it sounds, it starts with your motive, intention, and conscience. I think there's a clear-cut difference between physical cheating and mental/emotional cheating, but it all relates to your honest motive, intention, and conscience.

For example, there isn't anything inherently wrong with texting with another person if you are married or dating, but if you know in your heart that you are texting or engaging in conversation that makes you feel guilty or it would make your partner upset, you may be doing something wrong, even if you technically did not cheat.

If at any point you are justifying your actions or defending your actions/feelings/thoughts from a technical perspective, you may be at the start of doing something wrong."

24. Emotional cheating

"Personally, I don't mind flirting in public with a stranger if it's fully understood that it's not going anywhere and contact information isn't exchanged. Emotional cheating is a precursor to physical cheating a represents a need for couple's therapy.

My wife of 10 years physically cheated on me with someone she had known for 2 weeks. I wanted to go to therapy and fix things given we had 2 kids.

She didn't. She regretted it later when things approached divorce, but it was too late.

I had begun to move on and why would I want to be with someone who didn't choose me?"

25. Fantasizing about someone else

26. "First step of cheating to me is dishonesty, lying and hiding stuff from your S/O is a red flag."

27. Disrespecting

"For me it was: I’m going few days vacation with my male friend. We will stay in the same hotel room but sleep in different beds.

I told her I am not comfortable with this, but she went any way."

28. "Wondering if the grass is greener."

29. "When trust and respect are gone, the relationship is gone too"

"Cheating starts at lying, even by omission. I am okay with private conversations, meeting people she wants to meet, going away on business trips or going out and coming back late at night.

But lying to me about it or about what happened? Or simply not telling me something I don't want to hear?

That's cheating.

So: * "I will go out tonight, to see people you don't know and talk about things you don't care about": we are in the clear, it is fine.

* "I saw X and Y last night at their place": if I know for sure that it is not true, then there is some cheating involved.

It only works if you are not a creep, or even jealous. There needs to be mutual trust and respect.

When trust and respect are gone, the relationship is gone too."

30. There's emotional and physical cheating

"I think there's emotional and physical cheating. Emotional Openly flirting, nudes etc.

Physical kissing onwards."

One of the most unpleasant situations is finding out that your partner cheats on you, but better sooner than later. If it's already happening, you'd probably like to know as soon as it starts.

We hope you found this post useful. If you have doubts about your relationship, you should talk to your partner about it and decide on your future together.

Filip