Controlling Mother Forces Teen Daughter To Take Stepfather's Surname, She Doesn't See The Point Even Though She Sees Him As Father Figure

It's a personal choice, and the daughter is already an adult. But the mother forces her, anyway.

May

• Published in Interesting
• November 5, 2023

A name, it's such a big part of who we are, isn't it? As we grow and navigate through life, our name helps shape our identity.

It's not just a random label. It's a connection to our culture, our family, and our history. Think about it: whether you have a name that's been passed down through generations or something more unique, it's like a little piece of your story.

It's not just about where you come from. It's about where you're going too.

Parents put a lot of thought into the names they choose for their children. It's a way to express their hopes and dreams.

It's how you introduce yourself, and it's how people remember you. It's more than just a label; it's a reflection of your individuality.

That's why to be forced to suddenly change it because your mother has remarried and wants you to respect your stepfather is a situation that can be quite challenging and emotional. In a story from the "Am I The A**hole?" (AITA) subreddit, an 18-year-old woman shares her problem.

Her mother is pushing her to change her last name to her stepfather's, whom she genuinely respects and sees as a father figure. However, she's unsure about making this change and finds it a bit odd.

What makes this even more complicated is her mother's strong dislike for her biological father's last name due to his history of abuse towards the family.

The original poster (OP) is being forced by her mother to change her last name.

Her mother believes that it's rude to her stepfather if she doesn't.

People go through hassles changing their name, that's why she doesn't like the idea of doing it.

The OP can stand her ground by explaining that it's not about her father.

Women who got divorced didn't bother changing their name. This user lists down all the things she needs to do had she decided to change back her name.

Another woman attests to how challenging the name-changing process is.

Some married women opted not to use their husband's surname.

People view their name as an essential component of their identity, and it goes beyond expressing gratitude to their father for the family name.

Only the OP can decide whether she wants to change her name or not. It's out of her mother's hands.

The OP needs to explain her side by being kind and honest yet firm on her decision.

The OP can highlight the positive associations with her name.

Considering the story and all the discussion within the online community, it's pretty clear that the OP is dealing with a real head-scratcher here. To handle it well, she should stand firm in her choice and, most importantly, be super clear about why she feels this way.

When it comes to something as personal as changing your name, honesty, and conviction are the way to go. With sincerity, she can find that balance between respecting her stepfather and mother and staying true to her identity.

May