Mother Gets Angry At Her Adult Daughter When She Tells Her She Needs To Call Before Dropping By

"Just because she's your mum, it doesn't mean she's good for you"

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• November 25, 2022

Parents tend to have trouble drawing boundaries when it comes to their kids. It’s understandable to an extent

They basically took care of them since they were babies and saw every side of them. So when their kids grow up, there’s that little feeling that they are entitled to cross lines. 

In a r/AITA post, a Redditor admitted that she’s never really had a healthy relationship with her mom. It was mostly because of her crossing boundaries that make OP uncomfortable. 

With whatever boundaries OP makes, her mom refuses to acknowledge them. Even if it’s with OP being unhappy because of it. 

One time, OP went to see her mom and fix the bathroom light. OP can sense that her mom wanted to fight with her and despite her efforts of avoiding it, her mom went on about her living boundaries.

OP lives in a not-so-safe neighborhood which makes her wary. She wants visitors to give her a heads-up before coming around and because she lives with her partner who doesn't have the same work shift as her, they agreed on this decision.

Her mom did not like this, she thinks OP is pushing her away and started going on about OP’s past mistakes. Then it continued on to OP’s lack of affection and by this time, OP was ready to head out.

But her mom got one more comment about her late grandfather. OP doesn’t think she’s asking for too much but with how her mom reacts, she’s starting to doubt herself.

Here's OP's story

OP's mom suffered from depression and was diagnosed with empty nest syndrome

Every time she feels or sees OP's boundaries, it instantly makes her upset

She went off on OP's want of people informing her first before dropping by her place

She also lives with her partner who agrees that there should be notice

Despite OP's explanation, her mom continued with her rant and struck a nerve with her last comment

This seems like an understatement for most of the comments

The mom’s issue might have contributed to or will fuel OP’s existing issues

OP’s mom doesn’t seem to be clueless and only chooses to ignore common courtesy

Although OP is already an adult, it would still be hard to confront her mom and maybe this strategy would work

OP shouldn’t compromise her boundaries but she can strike a deal if her mom still wants to have a relationship with her

For OP to proceed better, she should take some time to assess the situation and generally take some time for herself

It's a shame that OP has to go through hoops before she can feel comfortable

There seemed to be a collective thought about OP’s mom having more issues than just her disrespect of OP’s space. Redditors think that OP’s boundaries are valid and she should protect them or make a compromise with her mom.

She was ultimately voted as NTA. Other than that, they suggest that she could reach out to professionals if she has trouble setting boundaries with her mom.

Chelsi