Man Sparks Family Feud By Refusing To Honor Abusive Aunt’s Dying Wish Of Being A Pallbearer At Her Funeral

A final act of defiance against a lifetime of abuse.

Jesse

• Published in Interesting
• July 6, 2024

Imagine being asked to carry the coffin of someone who made your life a living hell. Our narrator (Original Poster) found himself in that exact situation—caught between family duty and personal trauma. Let's dive into the dilemma.

OP recently learned that his seventy-year-old aunt was dying of cancer. She designated him as one of her pallbearers, and while this might have seemed like a touching final request, there was a catch—this aunt had been nothing short of a nightmare throughout his life.

Apart from giving him death stares and constantly belittling all his accomplishments, one particularly harrowing memory from when OP was just six stood out. 

On that fateful day, he was left alone with his aunt and grandmother. When his grandmother stepped out to feed the dog, his aunt seized the moment to unleash a verbal assault that would scar anyone.

She labeled him a “whiny a**” and proclaimed his parents would have been much happier if he had died in place of his deceased sibling. Ouch. It’s no wonder he never told his parents—their reaction would have been explosive.

OP’s mother urged him to forgive and forget. But twenty years of mistreatment couldn’t be brushed aside so easily. If only she knew the aunt’s true feelings towards her son, would she still champion forgiveness? One can only wonder.

As if that wasn’t enough, OP’s mom expected him to spend every weekend visiting his aunt—it was a hard no, of course. Was he the AH for insisting on keeping his toxic aunt at arm’s length, even though she was dying?

The story in detail

Here's the background of the story

At age 6, OP's aunt cruelly said his parents would prefer his deceased sibling over him. To avoid family conflict, OP never shared this with his parents.

Fast forward to today and OP’s aunt has passed away. His mom asked him to be a pallbearer at the funeral, which he bluntly refused

OP’s mom didn’t take the refusal lightly, but after 20 years of abuse from his aunt, he’s eager to stand his ground

We gathered some interesting comments for your viewing pleasure:

"Having you carry her casket may be more about your aunts emotional peace with what she's done".

"NTA. Just because she's dying doesn't mean her wishes, or your mom's overshadow yours".

"Asking someone to let things go is the same as asking them to accept abuse with a smile on their face".

"Your mom is worrying about what everyone will think".

"You should not feel obligated to serve at her funeral"

"Just because people are related by blood they aren't allowed a free pass to be horrible people"

In the end, OP was left with a heart-wrenching choice: to carry the coffin of a woman who made his life miserable or to stand his ground and risk the wrath of his family.

The choice to refuse the pallbearer role was a stand for his mental well-being, and Redditors were staunchly by his side. Sometimes, the bravest thing one can do is say no.

Do you agree with this verdict? Let us know in the comments.

Jesse