Young Artist Refuses To Invite Her Autistic Elder Sister To Her Art Show After Years Of Receiving Insults But Their Family Says The Artist Is Ableist For Excluding Her

Her older sister is Ivy League-educated but has trouble reading social cues leading to her hurting the artist's feelings constantly

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• May 18, 2022

Milestones should be celebrated with people who love you and have supported you along the way. An 18-year-old artist was having a dilemma about sharing a momentous occasion with her loved ones.

OP (original poster) recently got into a coveted art show that she really worked hard for. The young artist says she's really excited about this achievement and looks forward to the opening event.

The problem is she didn't tell anyone in her family about it. OP chose not to share this information because she doesn't want her autistic older sister to attend the event.

Her 24-year-old sister is an Ivy League-educated person but her autism hinders her ability to read social cues. This translates to her generally being unpleasant and degrading towards OP.

OP's parents tell her to just get over it and because her sister is autistic, she can't help her behavior. OP doesn't think their parents understand just how mean her sister really is because they're not at the receiving end of most of her insults.

OP is and when her sister unloads on OP, it's usually awful. She says that every time something positive happens to her, her older sister will say something to belittle it as well as OP and then never apologize for hurting her feelings.

The older sister constantly raining on OP's parade is the reason why OP chose not to invite her family to the show

Unfortunately, they still found out and are upset that OP didn't tell them. Her parents told OP they will be at the show together with OP's older sister.

OP broke down crying and begged her parents not to bring her sister to the show. OP knows she will have nothing good to say about her paintings because her sister thinks OP's art is silly.

She asked them if they could just go on a later date instead of the opening party but they're insisting on attending the opening. Their parents also accused OP of being an ableist for excluding her autistic older sister.

OP's sister found out and got extremely upset. She yelled at OP and called her an a**hole for not wanting her to share in this celebration.

According to OP, she did what she did because she only wanted to celebrate her accomplishment without anyone trying to bring her down. Her family yelling at her and calling her an a**hole is making OP start to question herself.

Is OP in the wrong here? You can read her full post below:

OP's parents set up OP's sister for failure by not giving her opportunities to learn about boundaries and social cues

OP didn't even realize that her sister's actions towards her can be considered abusive

They ignored her request and invalidated her feelings. They failed both of their kids.

OP has plans to move out and this seems to be the best move for her so she can start distancing herself from her family if they refuse to address the issues

OP replied this to a now-deleted comment. She gave an example on how her sister has publicly degraded her in the past.

Autism shouldn't excuse bad behavior and her sister's treatment of her could have other reasons behind it as well

While her sister's autism could factor in this scenario, this is more about the older sister bullying OP and OP only

If she's smart enough to finish at an Ivy League school then she is smart enough to learn proper boundaries

OP can try being direct as to the reasons why she doesn't want her sister at her show

People who have worked with neurodivergent individuals seem to support the idea of directly talking about the problem

It's been seconded and some autistic persons also experience psychological pain when they don't understand why a behavior is considered wrong

Reinforcing positive behaviors will allow the autistic person to understand social cues and regard other people's feelings better

An autistic person shared their own take on OP's problem

OP's parents are enablers and used her sister's autism to excuse her bad behavior

Autistic people have different personalities as well. This comment does not intend to generalize in any way.

Her sister's behavior is not caused by her autism. She could just be an abusive person.

OP replied to a lot of comments and thanked the ones that offered her a different perspective or a possible way to address her problem with her sister. OP didn't post any update yet but we can only hope that she followed the advice from the subreddit.

Her parents wronged OP for giving their older daughter a pass every time she mistreated OP. They also didn't give the older daughter an opportunity to learn social cues better and compromised her chances of adjusting better to a neurotypical society.

Chelsi