This Petty Husband Started Family Drama After Throwing Out All The Traditional Food His Wife Cooked

This is weaponised incompetance to the extreme

Rachel

• Published in Interesting
• November 8, 2021

When two people get married and families come together it can lead to some tricky situations. Sometimes it is an issue of the families not liking each other or the new spouse, often because they come from different worlds and expected something different.

A lot of the time people don't like to get out of their comfort zone, they like things to be exactly as they expected and exactly the way they want. But of course, this isn't always the case; especially when it comes to something like a marriage.

Getting married, and combining families together, can lead to some pretty special results, especially when everyone involved has an open mind and an open heart. Unfortunately, this is not the story of one of those times.

A woman, he sounds perfectly lovely by the way, took to the “Am I the Asshole?” Thread on Reddit to ask about the dilemma she was having with her new husband. The husband was not embracing some of the finer parts of having a new family, and in fact was being rude, disrespectful and childish about it.

The husband was using his weaponized incompetence, and childish behavior, to complain about the food that was being prepared for him; and his wife posted on Reddit to see if she was in the wrong for this situation.

"AITA for refusing to cook for my husband after he threw away all the food I prepared for my family?"

Posted by u/Throwar563577

My husband (31M) and I have been married for few months. It was a long distance relationship and he only met my parents/family a handful of times. Usually when my family visit I cook their favorite meals for them and my husband does not like any of those meals and always complains about not finding something to eat despite me offering to include his favorite meals. He'd usually sit with them at the table out of politeness but only eats appetizers and salads and nothing else. My family noticed and asked about it and he said he doesn't like what was on the "menu". He also complains that I keep leftovers for days later and I don't cook til leftovers are consumed by me of course while he eats fast food.

My family planned to visit today. I prepared their favorite meals and all but they called in the morning and apologized for not being able to come due to family issues which is fine. Everything cooked was placed in the fridge. I told my husband and he wasn't thrilled and said "great now who's going to eat all that unwanted food". He asked when I'm going to cook and I said til the fridge is empty and there is no leftovers left. He made a face and blurted he won't eat fast food for the next few days as well.

Later I saw him taking the trash out which was earlier than usual but I didn't give it much attention til I went to grab milk from the fridge and saw all the containers that had the meals I cooked earlier empty completely except for one. I immediately confronted him and he said the food smelled "funny" and there was one container that smelled kinda fine and so he left it alone and threw everything else away. I blew up on him calling him nuts and unreasonable to throw away edible food and let it go to waste just because he wanted me to cook fresh meals that he likes. He argued that I shouldnt be cooking my family their favorite food everytime and should just have them eat what we usually eat and said that he was so tired of eating fast food til I'm ready to cook again. I told him I won't be cooking again after this stunt and that he needed to deal with it after throwing away money and energy I spent on the food he threw away. He said I can't blame him because my family chose to not come and that they were the ones who wasted my efforts. I refused to argue further after I said he could've told me so I could send the food to my family instead of throwing it away. He apologized but only for not asking me first but he still says I went overboard by saying I won't cook for him again.

He just left to meet his friends to vent and I'm still upset over what we both said to each other during the fight.

Edit, Ok I feel I should add that the food I cook is Asian. My family are from Asia originally while my husband is American.

I learned to cook his favorite meals but he never been open to try and cook by himself saying it's never gonna work and he'll never make a single decent dish. He said cooking just isn't his thing and called it lost cause.

So, a grown man won't eat the food thathas been lovingly prepared, and neither will he learn to cook?

tuppensforRedd

Does he have both his arms?

(OP)Throwar563577

He does. But he doesn't know how to cook. We agreed I cook while he handles other chores

usernaym44

Ugh, doesn't matter: both arms are racist. OP him refusing to eat ANY of your cuisine is straight up racist. There isn't a single cuisine on the continent of Asia where all the food tastes the same. He can find SOMETHING he likes, and dedicate himself to developing a taste for other things. For you. To improve his relationship with you and your family.

Why are you married to this selfish, racist asshole?

OP's husband refuses to try non-American foods

amazonstar

Let me guess, your family's favorite foods are non-European/American?

You are absolutely NTA and if your husband doesn't like the food you cook, he can put on his big boy pants and make something for himself.

(OP)Throwar563577

Correct. We're originally from Asia and my husband isn't a big fan of seafood. No allergies though. Nothing of that sort. He just doesn't like the traditional meals I cook for when they visit.

Electrical-Date-3951

Agreed. Husband is the AH. And, he can cook for himself if he doesn't like what OP has cooked. No one is forcing him to eat fast food. He is an adult.

Also, that "smelled funny" line is BS. You are from a different culture than your husband. But, he doesn't get to judge your country's cuisine because it differs from what he grew up with and likes. He didnt cook it. He has no right to throw away your hard work.

SpunkyRadcat

If he married an asian woman, and hates asian food, and demands she serves him, how much you wanna be he's just straight up racist and wanted his wife to be the racist stereotype of being submissive and obedient?

Just because he's not straight up saying racist stuff, doesn't mean he can't hold those feelings in his heart. And it certainly looks like he's showing it in his actions.

Maybe the husband doesn't have good tastebuds... or...

iamkhmer

I'm thinking maybe the AH husband doesn't like delicious food 🤔. Or likes bland food? Just kidding, he's just a racist.

Just think about what else he is capable of

ForwardPlenty

NTA

You might have rushed into getting married a little quickly. The fact that he decided to get rid of food you made and would eat because he doesn't like it is a huge red flag. He threw it away because you said you wouldn't cook any more food until the food in the fridge was gone.

He turned your words so got rid of the food in a major asshole move, he knew what you meant and now is forcing you into cooking for him. I can't imagine living with someone like that.

OsaBear92

Nta. Not to be rude but, why are you married a low key racist? The way his attitude sky rockets by the presence of your family and (IMO absolutely phenomenal) Asian food.

I feel like his hostility plays a key role in my accusation. Btw I am fully aware it is 1000% me making an assumption, and by NO means do i mean any offense. Its totally fine if he doesnt like Asian cuisine. To each their own. But to be so opposed, that instead of making himself a fried egg sandwich, he'd maliciously waste your perfectly good food just to make a statement. He didnt think it smelled funny. Thats a direct insult. He is saying the food you make, the food from YOUR culture smells funny period. Thats an absolute insult if Ive ever heard one. My (very terrible, very unfortunately racist) family make snide comments like that all the time if they ever smell any other cuisine that isnt gravy covered potatoes. And they do it intentionally, to hurt those who enjoy the food.

Take a step back and ask yourself. Any other red flags in this situationship?

_higglety

Also having people call their food “smelly” is an extremely common racist micro-aggression many Asian Americans encounter. Regardless of if he meant it that way or even if OP took it that way, that kind of comment doesn’t exist in a vacuum.

How did he eat before OP met him?

terrapharma

NTA. Your husband is using strategic incompetence in order to pressure you into cooking for him since he "can't cook.". Throwing away the food because he thinks that will force you to cook for him is even worse. You have been married for a couple of months and he is already emotionally abusive. Consider therapy to help you explore your feelings and whether or not this is a relationship that you want to continue.

throwawayred85

NTA. DIVORCE IMMEDIATELY.

He fundamentally does not respect you, period.

His stunt was nothing short of an abusive power control tactic.

He options other than fast food. He can f$cking learn to cook. Many meals are basic and easy. He isn't the victim.

Of course when your Asian family comes over, you're going to cook them thier favorite and most enjoyable foods. It's your heritage. Your sharing and connecting through food. That's awesome.

Your husband should be more open to trying new foods or learn to make his own. Why is it you must make him everything but he doesn't have to make you your favorite foods?

Seriously, he was beyond out of line. This is not about the food itself,and it's absolutely going to get worse.

Careless_Mango

NTA but why do you do all the cooking? He isnt your child.

Okay, so I think that it is pretty safe to say here that the husband is entirely in the wrong. Often the comment section on an “Am I the Asshole?” Thread had some reasonably balanced opinions, but in this case, it swung pretty much directly towards the husband being the straight-up worst.

It isn't just that the husband's behavior is childish, and makes it seem like he was looking for a mother, rather than a wife; it isn't even that the husband is too lazy to cook, and is just pretending he doesn't know how so that his wife pities him: it's about his behavior being racist. Tell us if you agree with the judgment in the comments below.

Rachel