Ableist Man Kicked Out Of Girlfriend's Family Holiday Dinner For Repeatedly Disrespecting Visually Impaired Host

He told her where the salt shaker was in her own home, stopped her from chopping ingredients, and got mad when informed they did not need his help.

Chelsi

• Published in Interesting
• January 21, 2024

It was a tense holiday dinner for a 28-year-old's family when her "helpful" boyfriend disrespected the autonomy of her legally blind sister-in-law. OP said her boyfriend, Ryan, was the type of person to go out of his way to help others.

She did admit that he overstepped a few times. He assisted others even when they didn't ask for or needed it.

Ryan went too far this time when OP brought him to her brother and sister-in-law's annual holiday dinner. It was Ryan's first time attending the family gathering, so OP gave him a few pointers.

She told Ryan that her sister-in-law, Lily, has been legally blind her entire life. She asked him not to help Lily unless she specifically asked for it.

The couple arrived early because OP wanted to help Paul and Lily cook. When they were busy in the kitchen, Ryan kept making suggestions to Lily about where things were located.

Lily and Paul told him that his suggestions were unnecessary, but Ryan didn't stop. He meddled even more when Lily grabbed a knife to chop some ingredients.

Ryan stopped Lily and asked to take over because he didn't want her to hurt herself. Lily reassured Ryan that she would be fine, but he kept insisting.

OP's brother got annoyed and told Ryan to stop, but he still hovered while Lily chopped. Finally, Lily asked OP and Ryan to set the table up and wait for other guests to arrive.

OP reminded Ryan to only help Lily when she asked. He agreed, but OP could tell how upset he was.

Ryan got even more condescending after dinner when Lily played a guessing game with her daughters.

The kids handed their mom some stuff and she had to guess what they were. Lily made wild guesses to make her daughters laugh.

Ryan corrected her each time even after Lily explained why she made ridiculous guesses.

Paul finally snapped. Lily also asked OP and Ryan to leave. Ryan was mad at OP because she didn't defend him when she knew he was just trying to be helpful.

Ryan's behavior was indefensible. He wasn't being helpful to Lily either.

He was patronizing because he wanted to appear like a hero.

Ryan was ableist towards Lily. She repeatedly told him that she did not need his help, but he forged ahead like her voice didn't matter.

He was told how to behave around Lily, but he ignored what OP said anyway.

If OP doesn't see an issue with how her boyfriend treats people, then they are perfect for each other.

It should worry OP that Ryan's first reaction to being told no was to ignore it and later be angry about it.

Ryan's thoughtfulness is surface-level. He wants other to notice how good he is, but he isn't doing it out of pure intentions.

He wants to be thanked for being good. His behavior needed checking, although how he reacted doesn't give hope that Ryan is willing to learn.

Helping people gives Ryan an ego boost. It's not really about the other person, it's about him.

OP tried to make excuses for Ryan's behavior in some of the comments. She said his helpful nature was because of his upbringing.

It's too bad that OP can't explain why Ryan ignored each time Lily told him to back off because she didn't need his help. Why Ryan thought he knew better than Lily is beyond me or anyone in the comments.

He was more concerned about appearing helpful than actually listening to the person who told him she didn't need it. OP needs to look closely at Ryan's actions before his ableist behavior rubs off on her.

Chelsi